Celebrating the Cleanse: Dropping the Golden Deuce

"This cleanse is awesome! I just dropped a golden deuce."

Happy Saint Paddy's Day everyone. All of the greeny-leprechauny events leading to today had me thinking about rainbows and pots of gold, which naturally led me to America's guilt-mitigating search for poop perfection and elimination excellence. 

Cleansing is now almost as popular as gluttony and universally promoted by Smuggy McSmuggersons everywhere as the antidote to our bacchanalian pursuits. There are lots of arguments for and against juice cleansing. I have a two simple points against:

Saint Paddy's is a great proving ground to test your body's ability to generate and cleanse toxins, but there's no need to suffer guilt and think you need a special remedy. Spare yourself the expense of Dr. Alimentary's 5-day Hollywood Superfood Juice and Fiber Cleanse. The Golden Deuce is a myth.

If you want to cleanse you body of toxins – drink a glass of water and get a good night's sleep. If you really want to get crazy, shoot for three good nights of sleep in a row. That's cleansing. And, if you've had a busy, bad and bloated day of poor eating and drinking, consider skipping dinner entirely. Drink your glass of water, get to bed early and dream about greeting a tasty breakfast when you arise.